Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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