Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
