Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize