Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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