im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
