I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
