I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
