Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
