does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
