I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
