No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish you could order shots online.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
