Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Randomize