i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
