OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
