I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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