3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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