Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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