Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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