What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
