Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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