glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
