hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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