My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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