I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
