just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
