I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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