I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
