Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize