My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize