Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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