This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
