walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
