Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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