Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
