Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
