I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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