And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
