I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We need a shit load of segways right now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
