I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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