it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
