I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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