Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How does one acquire holy water?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
