i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize