How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
