So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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