Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
