Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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