I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
