sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
