If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
MIDGETS
????
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
