i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
