I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
