i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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