He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
