I just gift wrapped bread.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
