hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
