dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
