I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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