I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
