Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
