At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
