So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
