I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
